Postdocly Progression

This is how I recently summed up my postdoc experience to a fellow postdoc who is a few months behind me on this journey. I thought I’d share with y’all:

0-6 months: Everything going swimmingly. Everyone loves you. You love you! You are a rock star. And so is your mentor. Opportunities and data abound!!

6-9 months: Big. Depressing. Slump. You are a failure. This place and everyone here is soooo full of sh*t!

9-12 months: Insane productivity. Big ideas. Accessible data. Successful models. Promising results. Accepted grant applications. You are COCKY AS HELL.

*12-16 months: Pregnancy brain. Cannot complete a single task in an entire day. But you don’t really care. You just want to sleep. And pick out baby clothes. (“Those little sleepers are SOOOO cute! Why are my cankles so huge? Is it time for lunch?”)

Future predictions as to how the rest of my postdoc will go:

16+ months: You are now officially a breeder. All bets on scientific success and productivity are off. But who cares, because someone will be there to always love you even if you are a giant failure (at least until s/he turns about 13).

*I’m at 14 months into this postdoc. It’s definitely too long of a gestation. G-d help me.

Productivity

Why is it so hard to focus on a single project? Am I totally ADHD? Or ADD? (I don't know and don't care about the difference between ADD and ADHD. Although it would prove a useful waste of time and way to procrastinate.)

I've had this pattern for years. It was a big driver of my DHP (Dissertation Holding Pattern). I was able to crank out other papers and projects, much to the dismay/delight of my committee, but somehow it was like pulling teeth to work on the actual diss.

Little has changed. I am writing a proposal for a mentored career grant and presenting it to a small group of colleagues at a meeting early Thursday morning. Have I worked on it at all today? No. Instead, I'm preparing a manuscript for publication that is...TOTALLY UNRELATED and despite its near completion, BASICALLY IRRELEVANT to my current situation.

I think a lot of it has to do with my perfectionism. I hate to do something where it's not perfect. And trust me folks, a proposal with only $25K/year for research expenses is hardly going to be perfect. Or...maybe I'm just lazy.

Good News: My Postdocly Life isn't only about Neverending, Tedious Analyses

Postdocly bullets of the good and the bad and the research proposal:

I just got word that I was approved for a NIH loan repayment program. No word yet on the amount of the award, but I just wanted to thank myself and the rest of yous guys. Thank you, American Tax Payers! Yay! This is awesome.

More good news, a 2-times revised article has just been finally, officially accepted for publication in a high impact journal. Bad news, they are very very picky about editorial issues. Bah!

Another article, dating from my very first job as a graduate student--yes, this was years ago will be submitted in a few days, or whenever I get to it.

I am applying for an institutional career development award (75% salary support + some research support.) I so don't feel ready for this yet as I'm not even done with my first year of postdoc life. But it's an annual cycle and it's due at the end of September, marking my one year anniversary. So in some ways, it's good timing. Anyway, the good news here is I finally have an idea for what to propose. Still trying to figure out if it's feasible though.

The only bad news in the hopper (besides my recent family-of-origin drama that would make you cry if I told you more about it), I can't seem to run the analyses I need to present at a meeting next Monday. This might entail weekend work. :( Super lame, except that I have been keeping really limited hours lately due to pregnancy-related exhaustion and food requirements (which require me to spend more time eating and sleeping than working.) So I owe the postdocly Gods some more time, for sure.

Any of you female post-docs or grads in science/medicine/psychology who will be applying for faculty positions in the next year? (Not that there are any openings.) There is a great program at Rice University in Houston designed to help you find the ideal faculty position. Although I might be increasing my competition by doing this(!), I do think it's a great opportunity. Check it Out, the deadline for applying is mid-August.

Happy Research!

Time Management

I think it's very telling that while printing a copy of Susan R. Johnson's "Personal Productivity: How to work effectively and calmly in the midst of chaos" (exhibit a of my plan to become more productive!), I stood for a significant period of time, silently, motionlessly, pointlessly, and most importantly, unproductively, over the copier while it churned and chugged.

Maybe I'll never learn.

A Life of Research

Today I have been working on revisions to a manuscript and it's been like pulling my own teeth out. I have suffered though whole blocks of time in which I have felt utterly despondent and hopeless about the entire enterprise. During these times, I occasionally find myself drifting away into fantasy, surfing the interwebs. I will look for a simple job in the non profit sector, an opportunity to meditate in an Indian ashram, or ponder accepting an offer from a total stranger to accompany him in a wild roadtrip to Alaska in 5 days or less. But these moments of despondency/fantasy alternate with moments of elation, excitement, and a passion for la recherche scientifique.

How is it that I can simultaneously both love and abhor my job so much? What can I do to lessen the despondency and increase the excitement and fun?

The Big Time of Peer Review

So I was recently asked to be a peer reviewer for Big Time Disciplinary Journal. This is pretty exciting since it's the first time I have ever been asked to review something for publication. And because it's a fancy pantsy journal.

At first I was confused because I have never published in this journal. I immediately thought it was a mistake. Then, I figured that maybe someone I know requested me as a reviewer. But I don't think that anybody I know wrote this. And it's not in a field where my name would automatically come to mind as a content expert. Don't get me wrong, there are some fields in which I can be considered an expert. For instance, if someone wanted to know the Best Happy Hour Spots in Houston, they might know to call me up. Anywho, it finally occurred to me that I have submitted articles to this journal in the past that were rejected. And I mean REJECTED!--as in, never even made it past some kind of automaton-a-la-Jetsons-computerized-sorting-system to get to the hands of a reviewer or human being. Anyway, as a consequence, I have an online profile which matches up almost word for word with the keywords of the article they asked me to review. So the digital-peer-reviewer-sorter-system-de-jour must have found me through my profile.

Unfortunately, now I am suffering through a I-think-it-should-be-rejected-but-who-am-I-to-say paranoia. As well as its counterpart, the how-much-time-do-I-waste-explaining-the-paper's-faults-and-
clearly-articulating-my-critique conundrum.