Monday, December 21, 2009

Baby, It's Cold Outside

After having lived over an entire year here in Freezerville, I can now say I have experienced more cold than I ever cared to know. I have made use of all the freezing, dark hours by developing my own Taxonomy of Cold. I will share (all temps in Fahrenheit):

Taxonomy of Cold after 15 Months in Freezerville

Cool: Year-round except for that one week in July
Cold: 30-45 degrees
Very Cold: 25-29 degrees
Super Cold: 20-24 degrees
Extremely Cold: 15-19 degrees
Freeze your Face Off Cold: <15 degrees

There may be some of you out there that think this is pretty conservative. It is not! Trust me, if you had asked me last year, my taxonomy would have looked more like this:

Taxonomy of Cold after 3 Months in Freezerville
Very Cold: Year-round
Freeze your Face Off Cold: 31-45 degrees
Why Do I Bother To Go On Living Cold: <30 degrees

Is this progress? Discuss amongst yourselves.


Friday, December 18, 2009

Postdocly Progression

This is how I recently summed up my postdoc experience to a fellow postdoc who is a few months behind me on this journey. I thought I’d share with y’all:

0-6 months: Everything going swimmingly. Everyone loves you. You love you! You are a rock star. And so is your mentor. Opportunities and data abound!!

6-9 months: Big. Depressing. Slump. You are a failure. This place and everyone here is soooo full of sh*t!

9-12 months: Insane productivity. Big ideas. Accessible data. Successful models. Promising results. Accepted grant applications. You are COCKY AS HELL.

*12-16 months: Pregnancy brain. Cannot complete a single task in an entire day. But you don’t really care. You just want to sleep. And pick out baby clothes. (“Those little sleepers are SOOOO cute! Why are my cankles so huge? Is it time for lunch?”)

Future predictions as to how the rest of my postdoc will go:

16+ months: You are now officially a breeder. All bets on scientific success and productivity are off. But who cares, because someone will be there to always love you even if you are a giant failure (at least until s/he turns about 13).

*I’m at 14 months into this postdoc. It’s definitely too long of a gestation. G-d help me.

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