Postdocly Progression

This is how I recently summed up my postdoc experience to a fellow postdoc who is a few months behind me on this journey. I thought I’d share with y’all:

0-6 months: Everything going swimmingly. Everyone loves you. You love you! You are a rock star. And so is your mentor. Opportunities and data abound!!

6-9 months: Big. Depressing. Slump. You are a failure. This place and everyone here is soooo full of sh*t!

9-12 months: Insane productivity. Big ideas. Accessible data. Successful models. Promising results. Accepted grant applications. You are COCKY AS HELL.

*12-16 months: Pregnancy brain. Cannot complete a single task in an entire day. But you don’t really care. You just want to sleep. And pick out baby clothes. (“Those little sleepers are SOOOO cute! Why are my cankles so huge? Is it time for lunch?”)

Future predictions as to how the rest of my postdoc will go:

16+ months: You are now officially a breeder. All bets on scientific success and productivity are off. But who cares, because someone will be there to always love you even if you are a giant failure (at least until s/he turns about 13).

*I’m at 14 months into this postdoc. It’s definitely too long of a gestation. G-d help me.