Pregnancy, the Good and the Bad

Here is my top 11 list of the good and the bad things I have experienced thus far in my pregnancy (I'm 28 weeks today!):

Super Obnoxious Things, in no particular order
1. All the pseudoscience (e.g. "You are aware of the really scary link between immunizations and autism, aren't you?")
2. Unsolicited opinions and judgmental attitudes. (e.g. "You aren't one of those people who is going to try a natural birth are you?"/"You know that epidurals cause serious side effects for the baby."/"Oh, ew, I don't like that name! Sounds like a dirty old hippie name/other insult.")
3. Unsolicited sharing of terrifying birth stories by virtual strangers.
4. Pregnant women moaning about becoming "SO HUGE" in a room full of other huge pregnant women.
5. Becoming huge.
6. Random touching of belly by strangers.
7. The Baby-Consumer-Complex.
8. It's hard to get out of bed.
9. Being sick and tired for the first few months.
10. Weird body stuff. Nuff said. (This covers A LOT of ground.)
11. No alcohol.



Super Great Things
1. That very immediate unreal sensation/denial/excitement/surrealness of peeing on the stick and seeing the word "Pregnant".
2. The first feeling of kicks.
3. Having an ultrasound. Like, holy cow, that's awesome!
4. Polite strangers who let me on and off the elevator first, who wait for me to cross the street, who tell me to get more food when in a buffet line, etc. etc.
5. How excited everybody gets about babies!
6. Imagining what the baby looks like, hir personality, etc. etc.
7. Eating. A lot.
8. Sleeping. A lot. (Even more than usual.)
9. Everyone wants to know & even seems to care how I feel. (This could arguably go on the first list.)
10. The Bump. (Again, on some days, I could put this on the first list.)
11. And finally, best of all, the realization that there is, like, a Miracle happening in my belly.

On Being Preggo and Productive

I never knew how much I'd learn just by having a fetus growing inside me. For example, today I learned that it just isn't old, really fat, or really uncoordinated people who can't put on their shoes while standing. It's also pregnant people! Wow, go figure!

Being pregnant is such a public thing. As a pretty private person (yeah I know I have a blog and you might be thinking, what kind of blogger is private?, but I don't tell you people anything about my personal life here really, so accept it, yes I am a pretty private person. Even my friends tell me so.) I don't really love this part of being preggo. Everybody looks at you and stares at you when you are drinking coffee. For example. It is none of your business, people! You even get random strangers who touch your belly. WTF?!

On the postdoc front, I'm progressing pretty well with pubs and such. I've got 1 new one under review, 1 revision under review, 1 about to go out the door next week, and more in the pipeline. Truth is, though, that the only one that is really compelling to me is the one that is so complex I can't find a statistician who knows how to analyze it. I need to work on meeting more statisticians. And then finding some money so I can pay one to do this for me.

An Open Letter*

Thank you for your apology.

However, I doubt your sincerity. Although I knew what you would say, and had spent one month preparing my response to your negativity, and was very proud of my calm response, I cried after we spoke yesterday. You have, again, hurt me to the quick. This is our routine; I make independent decisions and you degrade them. Remember when you called me a whore? You degrade me. I don't know why. We have done this for more than 30 years.

There will be no degrading of my child's life choices. I will raise this child with love, tolerance, and support. I will do my damnedest to keep my child's life free of the ravages of hate, intolerance, mental illness, suicide, violence, lies, addiction, emotional and physical abuse, and the other toxic elements of my childhood. Inshallah, there will be no kidnapping of my child by my ex-husband in the middle of the night, no police and social-services interventions, no government cheese, no severe social and cultural deprivation. I can only imagine my excitement if my child ever makes the decision to have a child of his or her own. I would never, ever, degrade this decision. A new life is something to be celebrated, treasured.

I can't understand why you still find fault with my life/my choices. I am 32 years old. I am happily married to a stable, loving man who will provide the support to my child that I never received from a father. I have received the highest academic degree possible. I am independent and have not relied on your financial support since I was 18, not that you were offering. I own a home. I am academically and professionally successful with a promising career in front of me. I have many friends. I am healthy and happy. I have explored the world and the people in it with an open mind and have grown so much since I left your home. I make plenty of money. What the fuck have I done wrong? Are you comparing my life to yours? Please don't. Just stop.

Yes, I am grateful that I was raised to adulthood, free of any physical signs of the shit you put us through. I am healthy and have straight teeth, had a roof over my head, always got my vaccinations, and while I ate junk I had to make myself, I never once went hungry. Thank you for these things.

But I wish I was like my husband. To have a long list of family members to call who whooped with joy and excitement (maybe also some relief? disbelief?) at our news. Who already are opening their hearts and minds and making plans and preparations to welcome a new life into their family.

Remember a few months ago when you announced you were grateful you didn't have the brood of your sister as it would be such a burden to keep track of so many grandchildren? I assure you, this child will be no burden of yours.

In closing, I am grateful to my husband, my sister, my in-laws, and my countless dear friends who have wished me nothing but happiness on this new journey ahead of me. Who I can and will count on for the support and love a new family needs. I love you all.

-Julep

*Yes, I know damn well that I am posting this on a public forum. While at it's best it is adolescent and vindictive, I have done this for full public disclosure, for shaming, for the opportunity to make a public proclamation of my pregnancy and most importantly, a public vow that I will be a better parent than you ever were.